You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
