Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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