did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
smell my finger.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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