I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Jerry, you need to find god
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
