this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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