they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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