the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
