Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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