I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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