well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
