Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I want her autograph on my taint
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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