Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
