After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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