this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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