And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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