I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
