Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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