i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Vodka?
Forever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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