and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
