before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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