I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
