TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
