and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
