I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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