i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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