ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
