She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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