i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
