Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're like the curious george of whores
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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