I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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