Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
PANTIES FOUND
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
