4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
