i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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