MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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