Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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