I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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