She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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