I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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