you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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