just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
