May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
