Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
