i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
