A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
