this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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