So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
