separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
