If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
