He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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