You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
