Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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