the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
