is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
