I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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