Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
