I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need a burrito and a hug.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
