shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
