y did u give ur computer a hand job?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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