I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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