Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
