I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
