The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
