so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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