Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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