those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
