I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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