i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
