no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
