Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
