Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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