Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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