I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
