U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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