Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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