This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
