Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
