I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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