I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I enjoy the company of your penis
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
