guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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