I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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