we have officially lost it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying