I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
