my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
