mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
