summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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